The New Filofax

Once upon a time, in order to be a Yuppy, there was a checklist you had to follow:

  • Carry around some stupidly large diary containing a section for every conceivable piece of information about you life.
  • Say Ciao as much humanly possible
  • Dress is work attire all the time even if you aren’t at work.
  • Jeans are acceptable if worn with a blazer.

Nowadays it seems all you have to do is drink some stupidly flavoured tea, really….that’s it.

I’m not a Yuppy, I’m not writing this because I’m upset that the classic view of a yuppy is being jaded by this new breed, it just ticks me off that all of a sudden it has become kind of “hip” to drink rank smelling, rank tasting hot fruity piss water.

“It tastes nicer than regular tea” they say. “It doesn’t leave a fuzziness in my mouth and I just don’t want the caffiene”

“Bollox, bollox, stop being such a pussy” I reply.

As it was quite clearly stated in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels – “The entire British Empire was built on cups of tea” and that was normal tea, probably PG Tips, not Redbush, or detox tea, or green tea or Cherry Chargers. Got it??

What the fuck is the deal with Redbush anyway? It sounds like something out of a ginger porn movie not a tasty infusion to enjoy with or without milk.

I give up!!


The tea selection in my office. And that’s without the real tea!!

6 thoughts on “The New Filofax

  1. Still pissed about the ”ciao” comment but then i don’t mix with the social climbing flotsam and jetsam that seem to be the opposite end of the scale to the council estate chic i remember. The photo of the tea chest is disturbing. Don’t you think this is just another excuse for dull people to seem exciting, without doing anything more than tipping there hats to consumerism.

    Lastly i am slightly concerned by your dodgy facial hair. As i’ve not seen you for over two years, i’m hoping this is just a phase you’re going through as you grow up and not a serious fashion statement. As i type this, i’ve of course relised, you’re just a lazy fucker.

  2. OMGFG!!!

    It used to be pretty bad before with all the teas, that honestly do smell like fruity piss, but now it seems like your all about to open up a snooty tea house!

    I have a small problem with my digestive system and following the advice of others tried to drink that crap for awhile. I am still pretty sure that it made me a lot worse. Now that could be because it was detoxing my body. However it can’t be good drinking from the red bush! :)

  3. Yeah laziness is still a major factor in my beard growth but i very very rarely clean shave as it makes me look loads younger and I’m not really down with that.

    I’m amused by that fact that you still consider me to be “growing up” though. You make it sound like I’ve only just discovered I can grow a beard or something.

  4. the british empire was built on cups of tea… look at it now….

    regular tea and fruity teas ain’t all that… though a mug of hot ribena always goes down nicely, same as weetabix with hot milk 8)

  5. You’re from Cornwall mate, you lot are always trying to pretend you’re not part of our country anyway with your own flag and crazy accent.

    I don’t expect you to understand 8)

  6. Where’s the PG Tips dammit, where’s the PG Tips?!!!!!
    Dude if I were you I’d quit or do some sort of dirty protest – a shit-in perhaps – against the disgraceful tea service!