The Deceptive Product

A little while ago I wrote about a mystery product, today I’m writing about a product that isn’t quite what it seems.


Can you guess what it is yet??

So, it’s long, it’s made of plastic, and it comes in a variety of colours. It is also very phallically shaped, has smooth ends and a ribbed middle. Hmm, what could it be???

I’m assuming that from the title and my first sentence you’ve all established that this isn’t a dildo, which is blatantly what it looks like, and you’d be right. What it really is could potentially be another product to sell to the new yuppy breed I was talking about yesterday.

Imagine the scene, you get to work after an arduous journey on the bus / tube / tram / whatever, and unpack your bag onto your desk. You’ve got a heavy schedule on and your bag contains books and folders along with yor laptop and your gym kit. It’s a big bag!! You get right to the bottom and stop in disbelief, “It’s happened again!!” you shout out to your colleagues. “Every damn day the same thing. Why can’t someone stop this?!? Ciao!! The humanity!”.

Yes, it’s true, your banana has been battered and bruised again.


Bananas get squashed. Fact.

But no more will your banana have to suffer. The end to all your misery is here.


Ladies and gentlemen. I introduce the Banana Guard

No, I don’t believe it either.

The New Filofax

Once upon a time, in order to be a Yuppy, there was a checklist you had to follow:

  • Carry around some stupidly large diary containing a section for every conceivable piece of information about you life.
  • Say Ciao as much humanly possible
  • Dress is work attire all the time even if you aren’t at work.
  • Jeans are acceptable if worn with a blazer.

Nowadays it seems all you have to do is drink some stupidly flavoured tea, really….that’s it.

I’m not a Yuppy, I’m not writing this because I’m upset that the classic view of a yuppy is being jaded by this new breed, it just ticks me off that all of a sudden it has become kind of “hip” to drink rank smelling, rank tasting hot fruity piss water.

“It tastes nicer than regular tea” they say. “It doesn’t leave a fuzziness in my mouth and I just don’t want the caffiene”

“Bollox, bollox, stop being such a pussy” I reply.

As it was quite clearly stated in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels – “The entire British Empire was built on cups of tea” and that was normal tea, probably PG Tips, not Redbush, or detox tea, or green tea or Cherry Chargers. Got it??

What the fuck is the deal with Redbush anyway? It sounds like something out of a ginger porn movie not a tasty infusion to enjoy with or without milk.

I give up!!


The tea selection in my office. And that’s without the real tea!!

The New Home

So here we are, is born!! I’ve been meaning to move my blog for ages but was imspited today after forking out £60 for my hosting renewal. Whether or not it will inspire me to actualy get back into the habit of blogging remains to be seen but it’s a start I guess.

I’ve managed to drag all my posts across from the old blog (which is still there for now) but all the times are a bit weird. I’m using WordPress now which is something a bit new to me but I expect any teething problems to get worked out over the next year or so 80)

Sit back, relax, check when you can be arsed and then enjoy!!

And if I do manage to do some blogging, don’t be shy, get the comments rolling in!!